Self-Awareness Level 2, Lesson 7: Emotional Sanity

Editor's note: the following is the seventh lesson in Younus AlGohar's course on Self-Awareness, Level 2: Emotional Intelligence.

For better background information, read Self-Awareness, Level 1, in the Messiah Herald.

Read Self-Awareness, Level 2, Lesson 6 here.

Having studied different cases relating to our intellectual well-being and welfare, the findings have astoundingly surprised me. I conclude that the human brain is so vulnerable to becoming prey to different situations where emotions play their part, and our emotional sanity is badly affected.

What happens to our mental welfare when we strive and long for certain things but don’t get them? A sense of deprivation prevails on the surface of our emotional river. What transpires in a human brain when a person has access to all luxuries and comforts in the world?

The Sense of Achievement and Sense of Deprivation

Let’s suppose a child asks his or her parents to buy an expensive toy. Some parents are financially well-off and have so much love for their child that they buy that expensive toy for their child.

Having acquired that toy, what transpires in the faculty of the child’s emotions? What possible emotional aftermath could occur when the child’s desire is fulfilled? He must have gotten a sense of achievement.

In comparison to the child who acquired the toy of his or her desire, let’s talk about a child who had a similar desire but his or her parents were not able to afford that toy. As a result, there was a sense of deprivation felt by the child.

We have to closely monitor these two senses. What would be the impact of these two different senses on these two different children?

If this is just a single incident, whereby the child did not receive the toy from his or her parents, and when another toy is desired, it is given to the child, that initial sense of deprivation would become null and void. For the child who did acquire the expensive toy, the sense of achievement would have created this notion in his or her brain that anything is reachable. He or she begins to think, ‘I just need to say it for it to be done.’ This is where the imbalance in your emotional state occurs. 

The Duty of a Parent

Once the child acquired what he or she desired, now is the time for that sense of achievement to become null and void. Next time when the child asks for even a small toy, don’t give it to him or her. By doing this, you are actually securing his or her emotional well-being. The sense of achievement the child had developed when he or she acquired the expensive toy will go down the drain when another desired toy is not given to him or her. Their emotional sanity is restored.

If you had refused to buy a toy for your child, the sense of deprivation would strike on his or her mind; what you should do is to buy your child the toy they ask for next time, even if it is inexpensive. If you don’t do that, the sense of deprivation will have taken root in the child’s brain which is not good for his or her emotional sanity.

The sense of achievement and deprivation both go hand in hand. They are parallel to each other. 

When a child is sick, the doctors tell you to give the child paracetamol - and, in intervals, give them ibuprofen. Similarly, fulfil one desire of the child and say no to the other.

Say no to one toy and say yes to the other. If you keep saying yes every time the child wishes to get something, you are actually destroying your child. If you keep saying no every time, because you think, ‘I do not have means, how can I buy anything for my child?’ this is detrimental to your child’s mental health. Even if you have to borrow some money, get your child the toy because you will be doing it for the sake of the welfare and wellbeing their emotional state.

The same goes for the adults. If you try and every time you try, you fail, this is going to have a very bad impact on your emotional sanity. 

When I was in Pakistan, a friend of mine asked me to go to China with him. So we went to the Chinese embassy. He got the visa but I was refused. Then we made a plan to visit Bangladesh. We applied for a visa. He got the visa but I was refused. I was beginning to wonder, ‘Why? What’s wrong with me?’ I didn’t really realise what was going on. Then a few months later, I applied for the British visa. When I was entering the UK embassy in Islamabad, I was so nervous and paranoid; my heart was galloping like a horse. I was denied the visa once again. At this point, my emotional sanity was disturbed.

Then, I applied for the Indian visa and I got it. You can’t imagine how happy I was! I had broken the shackles - I was on the no-go list and suddenly I got a visa. My emotional rationality and sanity was being restored. Getting the visa was one thing, but the aftermath implications of having or not having the visa was another.  If I have the visa, I will have a sense of achievement, if I don’t have it, I will have a sense of deprivation. Both are aftermath impacts. I was relieved and it restored my emotional condition.

For example, every day in your business, you are losing £1000. Suddenly, one day, you make £500. You will be amazingly happy because the losing streak has stopped. That change will make you happy - not because of the monetary benefit, but because of your emotional well-being. The sense of deprivation will be gone. The sense of achievement, when you needed it, will restore your emotional sanity.

What Affects The Emotional State?

We are living in a jungle of different types of emotions. Every action and deed is directly linked with an emotion.

Every action and deed, whether it is your deed or somebody else’s, is going to have some effect on your emotional state. For example, if you see somebody is helping the needy ones, you will have positive emotions for that person. If someone is beating up somebody for no reason and is being abusive, you will have negative emotions for them.

Everything we do will have an impact on the emotional sanity of people around us. You are the one who will make positive or negative emotions in the hearts of other people.

What you do will shape up emotions of people for you. This is the reason why some people fake what they do in order to earn positive emotions from others. In the eyes of people, they do certain things and everybody praises them but behind the scenes, something else is going on.

If the schools, colleges and universities are full, you should not expect anybody to be ignorant but even then the world is full of ignorance. Similarly, when the mosques, churches, temples and synagogues are full of worshippers, why is the world bad?

When these people are in the worship places, they are good; when they come out, they change. If they were genuinely worshipping God, they would have changed. This world would have changed.

Are You Emotionally Intelligent?

It’s not just your actions. What you say is also directly linked with emotions. When you say something nice, it will please many hearts. One nasty word from you will trouble so many hearts. People will develop a sense of hatred because they cannot deny what they see and hear.

No matter what you do behind the scenes, what you do in front of people is the only thing that will create negative or positive emotions in their hearts.

People have negative emotions for you because of your bad deeds and words. People love you and praise you because of your good deeds and morality. The way you give people respect and the way you conduct yourself [will generate positive emotions in their hearts for you]. You are not emotionally intelligent if you do not realise this.

Some wounds that are caused by weapons heal quickly, but the wounds done to your heart verbally stay on the soul forever and are never healed. Make sure you are very careful with your mouth. With this one piece of meat between your jaws, you create problems for yourself.

Everything is live. People change their mind every second. You could do good things all your life and just do one bad thing will make people change their mind about you. Be careful. Nobody is your enemy. You yourself are either your friend or enemy. When you become carefree and think, ‘I will do what I want to do,’ you are actually making people hate you. You think you are powerful and you got away with what you said, but people will hate you because you are exposing yourself. If you are incapable of doing any goodness, stay the way you are, but do not fake it.

We are all closely linked to each other. Our lives are very much dependent on each other. You cannot live a solitary life. Our happiness is very much dependent on others. Emotions are the backbone of your social life. What you say and do will definitely create some kind of emotions in your heart as well as in the heart of others.

Conflict of Emotions

Do you realise that in the moment in time when you feel a sense of achievement ,somebody in front of you is touching upon the sense of deprivation?

There is a conflict of emotions between you and that person, which will create jealousy.

Day in and day out, we only care about ourselves and we hurt others. When we do this, even our family members are emotionally millions of miles away from our hearts. Sometimes we do it and we are responsible for creating this rift and sometimes they are responsible. How can you have a good relationship when emotionally you are falling apart? 

Now is the time for us to be emotionally and spiritually intelligent. We should know what it is that is good for us and what is bad for us.

In order to have a good relationship, you want to make sure that your emotions are aligned and you do what you can to create an emotional bond [with those around you]. When you do not have an emotional bond, how can you have a love bond? It is not just our own emotions - we should also be concerned about the emotions of those who live around us.

A good spiritual man is one who only begets positive emotions, who does not beget negative emotions and who does not cause any other person to beget negative emotions.

Food For Thought

Do we care about the effect of what we do and say on the people who live with us? Or the people that we are dealing with in our day-to-day lives? We also must monitor ourselves and ensure that anything we say does not affect anybody’s emotional sanity or cause them to create negative emotions in their hearts.

On the other hand, if you are doing or saying the right thing - for the benefit of humanity -  and it hurts somebody, then it is not your problem. This is because they do not care about humanity; the truth is hurting them because they care about their ego. If they did not care about their ego and actually cared about the humanity, then the truth would make them happy. Always say the right thing [no matter what].

Self-Awareness Level 2, Lesson 4: Optimising Your IQ

Editor's note: the following is the fourth lesson in Younus AlGohar's course on Self-Awareness, Level 2: Emotional Intelligence. 

For better background information, read Self-Awareness, Level 1, in the Messiah Herald. 

Read Self-Awareness, Level 2, Lesson 3 here.

How many human beings out of millions of people out there want to study themselves, want to study how emotions value themselves in our life; how emotionally do we go wrong and how our own emotions play with us and our mind? Due to the fact that we don’t have enough knowledge of our own self [and others around us], we never get to know our own emotions and feelings, the right conduct that we must carry; our demeanour, boundaries, our liberties and then liberties and boundaries of others. We take it for granted.

Our life is messed up because don’t know anything about ourselves. We don’t know how emotions work. We don’t know how emotionally we are charged up, and sometimes feeling very lowly emotionally. The discerning experts on this subject lack a lot in what they describe as emotional intelligence. The description of emotional intelligence that I put forward in front of you is not based on what people study in the universities. My discourses on these subjects come from a divine source: His Divine Eminence Gohar Shahi.

Emotions are like untamed vibes or they are waves of the ocean. Emotions move our entire being from one point to another. We are just going with the flow. With the ups and downs of emotions. We have no control. Although we say to ourselves ‘I am a very strong man’, but our strength is only deceptive. We are just fooling ourselves.

Emotional Complexes

When emotions hit you, no matter how strong you are, you will cry like a baby. You do not want to get entrapped in any of the emotional complexes.

There are mainly two complexes: a complex of being superior and a complex of being inferior.

Now the question is why do some people suffer from a superiority complex and others from an inferiority complex? Psychology doesn’t have the answer to this. But those who have a very strong ego, more often, they are the ones who get entrapped by the complex of superiority.

We are going to see how our emotions shape up to form a complex. A complex is a set of more than one thing. Our emotions: feelings of joy when we achieve something, feelings of sorrow and sadness when we fail. Some people when they fail, they don’t simply have feelings of sorrow; they have this strange feeling of rejection. If they fail again, the emotional trauma that they go through doubles the pain and sorrow. When they fail for the third time, all the pain, all the sadness, sorrow and the feelings of rejection get muddled up and form a complex. This complex, oftentimes, is duly aided by depression.

Those who suffer from superiority complex – don’t think they are always happy, they’re not happy. Their superiority depends on phraseology only. They are just chatterboxes. When they speak they’ll say they’re better than you, but inside they know they’re messed up.

His Divine Eminence Gohar Shahi said, ‘Neither superiority complex is good for you nor inferiority complex is good for you.’

Then what should you do? HDE enquires us to be as we are. When we do good, say thank you. When we do bad; sorry, I won’t repeat the mistake. This is the reality. 

Emotional complexes, as I assume, are fantasies. We are just thinking. Sometimes you are good, but you think you are bad. You know why you are bad? Because you are declaring yourself bad without even calculating your bad things. You assume you are bad and you enforce it upon you.

Optimising Intelligence

God has given everybody equal intelligence.

I have seen the movie ‘Lucy’ - Nobody’s brain works more than 15%-20%. If your brain starts to work 25% you will leave all the scientists behind. But they do not know how to increase the ability of the brain to its optimum. [In the movie] they use a special green liquid which releases into the womb of the mother when the baby is growing inside the stomach called CPH4, if that substance is inserted into your body it will multiply the cells in the brain. Maybe that will work 25%. If your brain works more than 20%, you can control everything with your mind.

When I was in school I learnt hypnotism. What you need to do is either absorb the blue light in the candle or look at the sun without blinking for five minutes, then gradually increase the time, the duration. I used to look at the sun without blinking for at least two hours. After that, if I would concentrate on a glass, I would break it. If I concentrate on your brain, I can make you do anything. This is when your brain is working in small digits in comparison to others. If your brain works 20%, you will become a saint of God. So much power is given to you! 

Why is the brain not working at its optimum? Because there are three layers on the soul of the brain, the Subtlety of Ana. If your Ana is enlightened and you have seen God your brain works at 100%. [Those who reach this stage] have to control [themselves] by doing stupid things. They know things but it is difficult for them to behave like a normal person. While they try to behave like a normal person they always make mistakes and people think they are stupid.

So, do not think you are bad. Do not think you are lower than anybody. God has given all of you the same optimum in everything you have been given, for except your access to him. 

Access to God depends on how much nearness he wants to grant you. You cannot be nearer to God more than God desires you to be. It is all up to him. However, as long as the ability of your physical organs is concerned, you are all equal. All you need to do is charge up or awaken those extra senses that you have been granted by God. 

The complex that you are inferior or superior to somebody is just a mind game. It comes from the society. It comes from the classes of society. There are systems of classes in different countries. Here, we have social classes. For example, somebody from a working class works at McDonald’s, we can understand he doesn’t have enough resources to go to university and acquire higher education, therefore his level of understanding of life is lower than those who have been granted a prestigious lifestyle. They have been less fortunate in relation to having access to an abundance of money and opportunities to them.

These divisions and classes are the results of inabilities and incapacities; sometimes mental incapacity and most of the time financial incapacity. But then, [you are only using] 20% of your brain. No human being on earth can cross over 20% usage of the brain. After 20% there is a layer placed by God.

However, once you have seen God, that layer is removed. Then, forget about spirituality, if you only use your brain you can control the entire world. Honestly.

Before you reach that level in spirituality where your brain has extended its capacity to 100% - reaches its optimum - God wants to churn you. [He wants you] to go through the process of self-denial so that, in the end, when you discover this divine treasure, you don’t own it. You simply say, ‘This is with the blessings of the Lord. I am a piece of shit.’ You go through this divinely imposed cycle of negation and self-denial. God wants to make sure that there is nothing left of you in you when this treasure is finally opened up. This is why when people have this ability, they sit there and look stupid. You suspect them [and think] had he had this much power, he wouldn’t be sitting here stupidly.

For example, you are starving; no food to eat, no place to go to, you can’t even buy a loaf of bread and you say,’ I have billions of dollars in my pocket’. We will not believe you. Why?  Our intellect has only seen a few patterns of emotions. [We will think] if he had the money why would he be starving? These are the patterns of emotions life shows us.

Divine Light

What is light? Light consists of photons. There is a body of photons and there is a soul of photons. The body of photons is what we see and the soul of photons is divine energy that goes in the heart. When the divine energy reaches the heart; the moment it is completely energised there is a big bang, like your skull has been cracked open. That is the sound of the eruption of energy, not the skull. Then, the third eye opens up.

After this, you will have two windows in front of your eyes: the exterior and interior of people. What they say and what they have in their heart; you can see both at the same time.

This complex of emotions has to be steered in the right way and that right way is being grateful to the Lord. Do not attribute any goodness to yourself. Because what is in you now has come from God; it is the attribute of God. So you must attribute all the goodness in you to God. Our emotions should be based on this. All our emotions should always be based on this line that any goodness that we have today is from our Lord. When you have this emotion, you are successful. 

Superiority and Inferiority Complexes

Point to be noted: sometimes you do not suffer from any complex. If you are doing the right thing and everybody around you is incorrect; you think people should follow you. This is a balanced thought. There is nothing wrong with this. There is no ego and superiority involved in it. It is a simple matter of discipline. However, people will steer your attention to a misguided direction and say you are being egoistic. These are negative things that come from those who do not want to correct themselves, rather they put the blame on others.

We don’t understand what these complexes are. Maybe somebody who suffers from superiority complex is humble and maybe somebody who is suffering from inferiority complex is arrogant.

These complexes are about the thoughts; either complex can become a deterrent for you to learn further. If you suffer from superiority complex it is like you shut the door on yourself, ‘I cannot learn anything else, [I have all the knowledge]’. If you suffer from inferiority complex, you shut the door: ‘I am not able to learn anything’. The result is the same! Therefore, both complexes are bad. 

You have to live a real life, don’t live in fantasies or dreams. Even before the creation of computers, a majority of people lived in the virtual world; the world of dreams. People set a desired list and they call that list of luxury their dream. They live all their life in pursuit of that desired list of luxury. When it doesn’t happen they plunge into the pond of inferiority complex. And if by mistake they get even half of what they have desired, they plunge into a superiority complex.

Live a realistic life. Be a realistic person. Forget about plans. Live for today; but don’t think about today, think about tomorrow. Be ambitious but not over ambitious.

Emotional Wellbeing

Our emotions are often less complex than we imagine them to be. Most people think that the things that have hurt you are what cause you to experience emotional pain, and in order to heal and experience real happiness you must resolve those old wounds. The reality, however, is somewhat different.

You can only feel emotions, including the painful ones, in the present moment. And what you feel in the present moment is determined by what you give your attention to. Nothing can hurt you unless you give it your attention. Most people can make themselves cry in just a few minutes by simply pulling up a vivid memory of something that was, at that time, painful. So why would you give your attention to things that cause pain?

If you think about the painful memory in life and you are actually concentrating on it, you are indulging in the luxury of pain, I think you yourself are to blame for it. Avoid thinking about the painful memories of life.

Some negative events can hold your attention. You perceive them to be a threat. Most people who ruminate on a negative past are simply unaware that they are doing it and there is no choice in the matter. Things you are unaware of are outside your control. Learning how to become aware of what you are paying attention to and how to shift your attention to something to make you feel better is one of the most powerful tools. This is for improving your emotional wellbeing.

Some people are in the pursuit of happiness. But they don’t know how to control their emotions. Some people want happiness but they don’t know what happiness is. Some people think happiness is all about having money and luxury. No. The nature of happiness differs from one person to another.

What we think and what we feel is determined by what we pay attention to. Not only do we have the ability to shift our attention away from painful things and give our attention to more pleasant thoughts or memories. As we do this, it inhibits our ability to think about the unpleasant painful things.

This happens because attention works on an activation/inhibition model: if you are paying attention to negative things it will almost take away the ability from you to think about the positive. You can either think negative or positive. You can’t be negative and positive at the same time. That’s why psychologists often say that people with depression see a more depressed world. The more you start to give your attention to things that feel good and start to see a more positive world, over time you will find yourself noticing fewer of the negatives in life.

Once you are aware you can do it, shifting your attention is something on which you can exert complete control. You can choose what you want to pay attention to and as a result, you can choose how you want to feel. For example, if you say to yourself, ‘I want to feel good today’ and you do not pay attention to negativity around you, you will feel better.

Try this with a friend: The next time you are talking to someone who is telling you about something negative happening to them, ask them to tell you about some positive experience instead. Then, notice the change in their facial expressions. When people start to talk about positive events that feel good, they start to smile; it is an almost involuntary reaction.

Does that sound too easy? Here is a tip that will make it even easier:

There are only two things in life that you can pay attention to that cause you to experience emotion: things you want and things you don’t want. Every single thing that you can think of that causes any type of significant emotion can be sorted into one of those two categories. Breakups, job loss, betrayal, the death of a loved one — all things you don’t want. Pets, best friends, birthday parties, getting a raise — all things you do want. You will always know when you are giving your attention to things that you don’t want in life; your emotions will tell you. Paying attention to things you don’t want generates negative emotions.

Sometimes we think about our past, we think about people that we did not want to associate with. We want to follow up with them, like what they are doing, what’s happening [in their life]? It’s painful, isn’t it? We should only pay attention to positive things in our life.

One of the most self-sabotaging things that people can give their attention to is an unwanted future.

Nothing in the future has actually happened, yet many people spend a good deal of their time experiencing negative emotions like anxiety, fear, and self-doubt because they are giving their attention to things they don’t want to occur. Doing this not only robs them of their present-moment happiness, but also prevents them from thinking about the positive experiences they could be creating in their future instead.

Our attention is the gateway to what we experience in life. Your attention is precious.

We should not give our attention to things or people who don’t deserve it rather they give us pain. You need to treasure your attention like it is something really unique. Your attention is your life. You cannot spend your life [focusing on the negative]. Your attention is very precious. Only apply your attentions to things that need your attention and it will be fruitful for you in life to put a smile on your face.

'Learning to notice what you are paying attention to, and how to redirect your attention to things you want can change not only your current experience but also the life you create for yourself going forward.'